Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Day 3

Work is a dank, stinking place. But the 3rd floor bathroom smelled like disinfectant, fresh and clean. That must mean that you, shiny, are the purveyor of #3. Sick. We got a real crouchdown today, which is always fun. I was a cranky-ass BITCH in response. Also always fun. I also went to Trader Joe's and bought two bottles of wine. I'm sending these bastards the bill for my liver transplant in 30 years.

So, I'm 'bucking' the system by finding 9 new timewasters to replace Scrabulous. Fascists, you better recognize. You cut off one head and 9 more will rise up to replace it as a glorious example of mixed metaphor and the indefatigable spirit of an exhausted but fucking bitter work population.

1. Play word games

2. Find a Bodum Chambord 12-Ounce Coffee Press.

3. Find for a perfect recipe for Fattoush

4. Debating the merits of vegetarianism, for the umpteenth time. Reserved this book at the library, because I'm all about libraries. And not giving those fools any of my money. But I am interested in reading anyone who calls soda "Liquid Satan."

5. Speaking of that.

6. Listen to some free music.

7. Write your novel. Except write it on Google docs or something like that, because having an intellectual property conflict with the company you're trying to escape by writing a novel involves too many levels of tears and irony.

8. Save the world. Free Rice!

9. Memorize this. I dare you.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Days without Shine

In case you are interested, this is how Black Monday went.

* There were two hours spent with the door closed.
* There was one unidentifiable lean cuisine smell.
* There was one unflushed 3rd floor bathroom poop.
* There were 17 longing looks cast at shiny's dark office door

Day Two, Much Blacker Tuesday, isn't looking much better.

* They took scrab from us
* They're trying to take blogger from us, but it's probably a violation of our first amendment rights. I mean, your first amendment.
* The coffeemaker is empty and burning

Maybe when you get back, there will be a card table and a legal pad where your office used to be. I'll be in an INS detention center, but I'm sure they'll have visiting hours. A-devil, read ahead in your immigration law textbook and come get me out of jail. I already have fifteen teardrops tattooed on my face.