Saturday, March 03, 2007

It burns!

Things that give me a burning sensation:

1. Commit lozenges

2. Park Slope

Because no one gets tired of Park Slope douchebag stories...I was sitting on the 5th ave bus (urgh) and the twat next to me was talking on his cell to a 'friend' (like he has friends with his adidas tearaway pants and Muscle Milk (I tried to peek inside his shopping bag for confirmation of douche status; that's what I imagine was inside)) about how his other friend's girlfriend was 'SO annoying'? Why was she SO annoying, you ask? Well, apparently she looked like trailer trash trying to look posh (for Park Slope?) and even though she had been to Europe, she had the gall to order 'pie-ella' at a Spanish restaurant. Muscle Milk's girlfriend was horrified. I was horrified that he had a girlfriend. What's more, he was apparently shopping for a ring for her today. So if anyone out there is a snob about paella and is dating a snotty loser with no neck and a bag full of steroids, watch out. You have a lifetime of bus passes and misplaced elitism waiting for you.

Yeah, I'm a chronic eavesdropper/judgmentalizer...what of it?

Friday, March 02, 2007

clambering to the top of the moral high ground...out of breath

lame, I know. But maybe it was cigarettes that made me cool?

I just quit smoking. 4 days! Doesn't sound that impressive? Well, it's not. But it's something.

Things I am grateful for (not an AA-higher power way):

1. Super-great smelling room

2. Sarah not getting lung cancer (I bet her stupid rotten tooth was because I smoked)
3. Only 10 years until my lungs are almost all healed, hoorah!
4. That if I ever make it to 80, I'm totally going to start smoking again. And maybe I might develop a hardcore drug addiction. I totally thought of this before stupid Alan Arkin. I would never wear a leather vest.
5. Commit™ lozenges. Though they taste like poison, they are precious to me.
6. Crossword puzzles. I do them to occupy myself, obsessively. My mind will be a well-honed ('hone' is a very good crossword word, as is, strangely, the German city Essen) Trivial-Pursuit fighting machine! 6-letter word for not just a river in Egypt.

At any rate, another one of my very closest friends had a baby. Clark! Welcome. Wilkommen, as in Essen. We love you with your perfectly-round head, swirly hairline, and oily eyelids. You were the same day I quit smoking, so stop being so self-centered and focus on me. You would if you could focus, you little underachiever.